Tag: Morning Meanderings

Another lovely day here in Central Minnesota. I am up early as usual.  COFFEE cup in hand I explore the deck off the back of the house, my way of bonding with the weather of the day deciding how to dress and mentally ticking off the “to do’s” of the day – or more likely in this time in my life, the lack of “to do’s”.  Just “being” is about all I can do right now.

I am having these…. moments. Moments I think, “What would Justin say about that?”  Imaging conversations in my head about his take on life happenings, Bouncing off the “what if’s” and planning for future get togethers. Get togethers I know (I know I know) can not happen. I think I am going to pick up a nice notebook and start writing things down that I would say to him just to put it out there. So much I have to say and no where to put the words.

  Books have really been my salvation.  I bury myself in reading and audio every chance I get.  Safer now to be in someone elses world than my own.  Yesterday I started Whisper Beach by Shelley Noble and I am devouring it…enjoying the beach atmosphere once again, friendships renewing, and a lovely vision of the Blue Crab Cafe which in my mind carries delicious aromas every time it is mentioned in the book.  Born With Teeth I am just getting into, still learning about Katie Mulgrew’s childhood…. new to my Audible listening is Down The Rabbit Hole by Holly Madison, a once “top bunny” of the Playboy Mansion (so that may sound like an odd choice to listen to but the sample was really good, so we shall see…)

Today I may tackle a garden project… undecided at this point but I have perennials to plant and an idea forming in my head.  Nothing big on my agenda today (thankfully!) and I think a quiet day here at home is just about as good as it gets these days.  My upcoming weekend has slowly filled up with “to do’s” and it makes me nervous to be that FULL.  I know life goes on, I see it all around me but I am not moving anywhere near the pace that it is.

Here we are at the day I have been looking forward to with anxiety and scared of all in one.  Today is Justin’s benefit in St. Paul.

Looking forward to because of course it is a chance to see his friends and some of ours as well and that is always nice.  Anxiety and fear because it is after all, a benefit for our son.  My cousin put it well when she said, “it is like falling on the knife all over again.”

Yes it is.

I obviously want to be there… have to be there.  The benefit proceeds will go the mission he loved in Honduras. It is for our son and I want to be a part of things for him but as you can imagine… it is also so hard to be there.  I am afraid it is now just something I need to get through.

I think I may listen to audio on the way there.  It is a 2 1/2 hour drive for us and keeping my mind else where may be a good thing.  It is an overcast drizzly, dreary day here in Central Minnesota… the weather matches my mood and that is about right.

Have a good start to your weekend.  I would love to hear what books/audio may be joining you on your journeys.  I feel as though I am out of the loop on what are the must reads/listens of the season so please… enlighten me. 🙂

Friday. I have been up since about 5:30 am.  I have learned that when I am awake it is best to just get up.  COFFEE in hand, I have watched the day come in with sunshine, then clouds, not sure which way it will land today.  I heard rain and that is ok. Today I have a lunch date for a friend’s birthday but that is all that is on the agenda and I am fine with that.  Yesterday the card addressing went well and around 300 cards went in the mail… another 100 or so will go in today as I finish up looking for addresses for some.

FYI:  Did you know it is possible to be kicked off of the White Pages website for using the resource too much?  It is true… both myself and my friend Sherri were kicked off the site yesterday with a message that said we had used our limit for 30 days. 

 

Anyway, as hard as it was to get together yesterday and work on that project, it was a good thing to do.  Much was accomplished and friends told me that they were happy to help, had been wanting to do something and finally felt useful.  I liked that I was able to reach out to friends and family once again with thanks and love… for some that are not close to us, that may be the last time I get to connect with them over my son.  I needed that connection to be special.

Today will consist of a little reading (I am working on Summer Secrets) in book format, Girls of Mischief Bay on my phone and The Astronaut’s Wives Club in the car (loving the narration!).  As early as I was up and if there is rain I will probably take a nap this afternoon too.  It has been a fairly busy week – busier than I would like and I am ready to be done.

Thursday.  10 1/2 weeks into this new world.

Everything has changed.

I no longer have a “get up and going” attitude.  Instead I get up with knowing it is another day to get through and oh I am so tired of having to get through.  I try to go on because I know Justin would be so sad if I changed who I was and what I loved to do.  But honestly, it is so hard every day.

Today a friend is having a little gathering at her home to help me address and stamp the thank you cards.  I made my own because I didn’t like the generic feel of the ones that were given to us to send.  I know those cards would have worked for probably about 95% of the population and most people would probably have been thankful that it was something they did not have to think about – but for me, the cards we were given did not say enough of what the support of friends and family has meant to us.  I can’t even express that what people have done has helped lift us up over this awful chasm in our lives.  Justin and I both have a creative side and the cards… well the cards were something I needed to do for both of us.

So that is today.

Tonight I have an invite from a girl in my book club to come over, talk books, and have a glass of wine.  That sounds nice.  I am trying day to day to move forward in some manner.  What might not look like significant progress to the normal person, is a huge step for me.  Even leaving my house to go to someone elses to work on thank you’s or to have a nice talk and a glass of wine is a big step.

Thank you for visiting me here at Book Journey and walking with me in all the ways you do through this process.  In all the ways you reach out:  leaving a comment, sending a card, saying a prayer, thinking of us…. this card is also for you.

Monday.  As I lay in bed this morning thinking through my day it suddenly came to me that it was Monday and Monday’s in June and July are Brown Bag Author events at the Brainerd Public Library.  Something I am a part of.

… and I almost forgot.

There is not a lot to be done for the Brown Bag Author prep however it does need to be done and I am pretty sure I am signed up to do it today.  Basically it is show up at about 10:30 and set up the room by putting out the podium, chairs, a signing table for the author, a place for the books, bottled water, make coffee, put out a treat of cookies or bars, and set up the table of Friends Of The Brainerd Public library stuff.  Around 11:30 our author who is speaking will show up and they will be shown where they will be speaking, signing, etc…  at noon we begin.

These author events are called Brown Bag Authors because people are welcome to bring their lunch with them.  The authors are paid for by my group, The Friends of the Brainerd Public Library so this is a free event to the public.

Today’s author is Paul Radomski and his book is Lakeshore Living, a topic that should be of interest to those of us in the Brainerd Lakes area who enjoy cabins on the lake.  I was reading up on his book this morning and thought it sounded interesting.  Here is what it is about:

The authors present an approach to lakeshore living that addresses the need to create rich, sustainable places and communities on the water, where both the loon and the family find a place, and where the cabin can be handed down with integrity to the grandchildren. Fragile shorelands require care, and that caring comes from knowledge, experience, and an environmental ethic. Radomski and Van Assche argue that an environmentally sensitive lakeshore place and community design is the way forward. While many factors affect the quality of lakes and lakeshore living, property owners and local communities do not have to wait until policies are perfect: the design approach advocated here can be applied in any place people living lakeside can get together and collaborate. The approach presented here is proactive and context sensitive: new designs have to fit the existing ecological, cultural, and policy landscapes. Development is always re-development in this sense. The authors introduce the reader step-by-step to this approach and carefully discuss leverage points that can be helpful in implementation and system change.

Last week our author was Lorna Landvik and I enjoyed listening to her.  Lorna is a fun author and is also the Emcee of Wine and Words for the third year in a row.  She also has become a friend through out the years.  I have her latest book, Last To Laugh but still need to read it.

As for the big stuff going on in my life… I seriously wake up every day and think, It just can’t be.  I still struggle wrapping my head around this new world.

Day 72.

Sitting here this morning – EARLY, with a head cold/annoying sinus thing/ cough and sore throat I was not sure I was going to post this morning.  I had two big projects to keep me busy for a while, the chairs that I posted about yesterday and a small foyer to paint which I completed yesterday morning.  SO much for that.  Now looking into finding materials to put in a raised garden for strawberries and rhubarb…

What actually made me want to post today (other than the fact that connecting with all of you is like sitting at my table having coffee with friends) is book anticipation.  If you love books… you know this feeling.  It is the feeling you have when a book you have either LONG waited for or a book that you discovered that will be coming out and you cannot wait to dig into it.  For me today… it is the later.

In 2011 I had the pleasure of discovering Ready Player One by Ernest Cline on audio narrated by Wil Wheaton.  I loved this one sooooo much that I listened to it again in 2014 AND reviewed it again.  To this day it is one of the best audio books I have ever listened to.  I loved the 80’s references, the dystopian gamer theme, and this audio made a big fan of Wil Wheaton’s narration to the point I searched out audio books that he narrated and listened to them.

Recently I discovered that Ernest Cline is coming out with a new book, Armada, also centered around a game.  I quickly looked it up in audio version and was THRILLED to see that this will once again be narrated by the amazing Wil Wheaton.  Book release date is July 14th and I am soooooo ready for this one.

Tonight friends are coming over to grill with us.  We will be planting a Crimson Maple tree in the back yard that they had purchased in memory of Justin and we will be setting a memorial bench out tonight as well.  Promises to be a bitter sweet evening.  ♥ Always

Friday.  Sunshine and 80’s today.  My kind of day to sit on the deck and read and maybe have a friend over for a visit.

June 9th was my Blogiversary.  6 years.  If you have been around the past years you know I usually make a big deal out of it.  This year though… I missed it.  Thought about it last week, wondered if I would post something and then…

didn’t.

Maybe I will post something later this fall and have a late celebration.

In other news, I finished an EXCELLENT audio book last evening while I was outside painting old chairs in fun colors.  The audio, A Hundred Summers by Beatriz Williams will be reviewed later today.

And finally, I found out yesterday that some of Justin’s friends are planning a benefit for him where he was working in St. Paul.  It is set for next Saturday.  I will attend, it is a chance to see his friend’s, but I know it will be yet another hard thing to do.  I am so tired of everything being hard to do.  It is so hard to imagine my life now, before this because I feel I am so different… so much more vulnerable, so cautious, and so so broken.

Today…. there is sunshine.  I need the sunshine.

Sitting in Crosslake this morning at my usual space in the main lodge of Camp Benedict.  This is the camp I am on the Board of, and normally I am here the whole week Monday – Friday, but this year I only came for yesterday and will leave this afternoon.  That is all I think I can do this year.

I am so tired – I feel I have been going non stop for over a week now and it is taking its toll. Mt plan is after today I am lying low for as long as it takes and if things don’t get done…

well…

they don’t get done.

I have no push left in me.

I just want to BE.

Book Club tonight…. we are reviewing The Pearl That Broke It’s Shell. I did not get it done.  Too deep for me at this time.

So that’s me… day to day.