My son Justin absolutely adored WORDS.
I so loved that about him because he really was the male version of me. Words fascinated him as they do me. I love sayings and quotes. His apartment had signs everywhere…. BRILLIANT sayings that spoke volumes. So odd now that these signs are now in my home… I can hear him saying them out loud, I can hear him sharing their power.
His optimism and the way he looked at life really fuels me now when honestly there are times when I can see where being a shut in not dealing with the outside world is appealing. It is hard every day to step out of this house watching people all over going about their lives while I feel my heart is too heavy to even move. It is a battle I struggle with daily as I make myself go out and do things and stay active in our community. I want to continue to be who I once was (though my life is altered forever). I want to do it for me and I want to do it for him. Justin loved my involvement in the library, in camp, in crazy runs…. one of the last texts he sent me said
You are the coolest person I know.
There seems to be this constant dialogue in my head where I am processing this new world from the very first moment everything changed to now. I do believe I will start writing it down. Some I already have in journals and even at times on Facebook…. but this journey… is a long one. In fact I am pretty sure it is a life long commitment.
He had the below magnet on his fridge. I love the saying and now have it on my fridge to remind me that I can believe in impossible things. As the wise Yoda once said…. “Do or do not. There is no try.”
This week, I attended a funeral of a man I went to Honduras with. He was 41. His young wife stood before the church filled with friends and family and in her strength she said, “Do not wait. If you feel called to do something then do it. Don’t wait for retirement, or for the kids to be grown, or whatever excuse you have. Just do it. Because we don’t know if we have tomorrow. Do what you believe you are meant to do. Do what you feel God is calling you to do. Do it now.
One book came in the house this week. It looks to be a good one…
For the record. I am choosing to DO.
I am still here.