My son Justin absolutely adored WORDS.
I so loved that about him because he really was the male version of me. Words fascinated him as they do me. I love sayings and quotes. His apartment had signs everywhere…. BRILLIANT sayings that spoke volumes. So odd now that these signs are now in my home… I can hear him saying them out loud, I can hear him sharing their power.
His optimism and the way he looked at life really fuels me now when honestly there are times when I can see where being a shut in not dealing with the outside world is appealing. It is hard every day to step out of this house watching people all over going about their lives while I feel my heart is too heavy to even move. It is a battle I struggle with daily as I make myself go out and do things and stay active in our community. I want to continue to be who I once was (though my life is altered forever). I want to do it for me and I want to do it for him. Justin loved my involvement in the library, in camp, in crazy runs…. one of the last texts he sent me said
You are the coolest person I know.
There seems to be this constant dialogue in my head where I am processing this new world from the very first moment everything changed to now. I do believe I will start writing it down. Some I already have in journals and even at times on Facebook…. but this journey… is a long one. In fact I am pretty sure it is a life long commitment.
He had the below magnet on his fridge. I love the saying and now have it on my fridge to remind me that I can believe in impossible things. As the wise Yoda once said…. “Do or do not. There is no try.”
This week, I attended a funeral of a man I went to Honduras with. He was 41. His young wife stood before the church filled with friends and family and in her strength she said, “Do not wait. If you feel called to do something then do it. Don’t wait for retirement, or for the kids to be grown, or whatever excuse you have. Just do it. Because we don’t know if we have tomorrow. Do what you believe you are meant to do. Do what you feel God is calling you to do. Do it now.
Same message…
different words.
One book came in the house this week. It looks to be a good one…
For the record. I am choosing to DO.
I am still here.
Book Journey 
I once heard a saying from a group of recovering addicts: “Trying is Lying.” I pondered that for a while, and realized that it is so true.
We must do! Thanks for sharing.
Time after time as I read your words I am amazed at your strength: in the day to day act of just getting up each day and in your beautiful drops of sunlight that you reveal to us about your Justin. What a fabulous young man he grew to be and how bittersweet this is to you. I know your journey in life is very different than you ever imagined and I hope that memories of Justin will make it more bearable. You remain in my thoughts.
I think of you and pray for you every day, Sheila. I don’t know how you do it.
My son and I have a special bond just like you and Justin, and it just breaks my heart for you.
HUGS.
On another note…enjoy WHISTLING WOMEN. It does sound very good.
Elizabeth
Aw, I love all Justin’s signs. My own apartment is peppered with a few sayings I find meaningful and it’s great to have them up on the wall or the fridge to be reminded of things that are important. “You are the coolest person I know” is quite the compliment from a son to a mother. You must be pretty stinking cool, and it sounds like he was, too. =)
Bravo to you! I think you inspired Justin and now he’s inspiring you.
I think it’s a lovely idea to write down your story. You have so much to share about grief and you are so eloquent about it.
Beautiful Sheila,
🙂
Such a beautiful and inspirational post. The various quotes scattered around my homw somehow seem even more poignant now/
Your words are just so powerful. You have let others in on your grief and it has undoubtedly helped many others already. Whether our grief is new or old, there has been healing in your words. Thank you.