Imagine taking all your emotions – everything you could possibly feel and putting them in a blender.
That’s the way I feel.
I can not even believe it has been 100 days since I lost my beautiful son. It is a crazy mixed up world we live in and I struggle daily trying to find my fit in it – the commitments, the want to’s, the things I say “Yeah! I want to do that!” when the old me peaks out for a second and then later I am horrified that I agreed to do something that I know is too much for me to take on.
I am up. I am down.
I am mostly down.
After my last post about my friend Connie my emotional gauge has been off the charts. I do what I need to do to get through the day. I make the connections I need to and when the day is done I am home, exhausted physically and emotionally, a bundle of mixed feelings – glad I accomplished something… overwhelming sadness lying just under the surface, tired… so tired.
Connie, as of this morning is the same. I will stop by this morning and check on her. Yesterday we ran the Color Run for Justin. is team that he started working on in March. We finished it and 21 of us ran the 5k in Justins memory. As you can imagine it was an amazing and horrible thing all rolled into one. I am so thankful for his friends and mine, so glad that they pushed on to do this – and so sad knowing Justin would have been amazed at the friends who gathered to run for him. Ridiculous is the word that comes to mind… it is ridiculous that I am typing such a thing and he is gone.
and then last night…. a big storm hit Minnesota:
I love this tree. I have a sweet pic of the boys climbing up in it when they were young. I think we can save part of it and I hope it will grow back again.