I am still here.
It seems like my days fly away before I even know what is happening. It’s been a busy summer of bike riding, events, bookish stuff, and spending time with friends. Good things. Things I need to do. Things I want to do.
Those of you who know me know I spend a good deal of time working with our local library. You also may know about the bench outside the library in memory of my son. Can I say my heart runs over with love for all who had a part in this happening?
Every time I pull in to the library parking lot I see it. Sometimes there are things left on it… notes, flowers, a rock that says trust… What seems to take my breath away – is seeing people sitting on it. Justin’s bench sits between two others. To me… it feels as though it is used more and that makes me so happy and sad at the same time. Does that make sense? Happy because he would love this whole idea of a bench… and that quote, and people enjoying it….. Sad because… well hell…. why does there have to be a bench in the first place?
A few weeks back I walked out of the library and saw a man sitting on the bench. I had this sudden urge to go over and hug him. Of course then I think… how appropriate is that? Scare this poor man sitting on a bench unknowingly being observed by the mother of the boy who the bench is dedicated to? And define appropriate. I honestly am not sure I know what it means anymore… my filter for where to draw the line is pretty much gone. I live it true – I live it real. So what if I scare someone on the bench?
But of course…. I don’t approach him. I just take myself teary eyed to my car and drive away.
I am leaving the library and I see a boy in his 20’s sitting on the bench. My pace slows. I look at him and he sees me and smiles. That urge… that urge to go over and talk to him about who Justin was simmers right there… right at the edge of moving me that direction but instead…. I smile back.. My eyes fill…. I walk away.
Today… working on a contract. Mowing the lawn. Riding my bike. Hopefully writing a review and breaking that seal on this site where I start to write and gush about books again. I do miss it. I do miss you.
WHAT are you reading?