Or perhaps, they all are.
This one however is a reminiscent morning. I am sitting here quietly thinking over the last 24 hours. Yesterday was my birthday and another day to get through. This one had a lot of hold on me for two reasons…
- This birthday would officially make me the oldest living member of my immediate family (mom, dad, sister), something that I have thought about for years.
- This would be the first one without Justin.
Getting through it, defenses up seemed the way to go.
I had explained to friends early on that I did not have any desire to celebrate this birthday. I asked that they let me go through this as quickly and as quietly as possible. Just another day. I really struggle(d) with the thought that I was getting older, and my son would not.
However, friends, like loopholes…. and while they did not 100% follow my wishes, they were very sweet about it. As a “Valentines Gift” I received a “Dammit Doll” (a doll that you are supposed to use when you are frustrated, smacking her on the table saying… you guessed it, “Dammit Dammit Dammit.” I decided she looked a little like me and she had enough so she will not be beat by me…. instead she sits on a shelf in the book room.
My friend Gail sent me a “Happy February” card with a promise of a custom made rack to let beans grow on for my garden this spring. My friend Wendy had lunch with me yesterday and celebrated “February” by giving me a beautiful wine sign and a woozie, a wine cozy.
Then last evening was book club and we had an excellent review of The Life We Buried and fun with Spam (more on this later today so be sure to come back!), but they also had a little celebration of my birthday which was unexpected. There was cheesecake (really my favorite cake), and a few gifts. It was very sweet of them to do as I read cards through tears.
The little item on the black wrap is a charm for my Pandora bracelet… it is a clover which represents Justin and I and our times together. He had a tattoo of a clover to commemorate our annual trips to Florida (it is the symbol used at the Irish Pub we always stopped at), and this spring I too got the clover tattoo in memory of him and our times together.
So that was my day yesterday. Not quite as quiet and straight on through it as I had planned – but honestly, my friends were very sweet and while it was a hard birthday, the kindness of those in my life really helped me walk on through this too. Justin, I know would be cheering.