In 2013 I found a site that spoke of instead of having resolutions each year – choose a word. A life long lover of words… I LOVED this. I studied the list of words diligently trying to find the one that I wanted to represent me going into the new year and I came up with:
Embrace can have several meaning but the one I liked and wanted to follow was:
As I read that original post again this morning and this meaning that I just posted above, the tears run down my face. I could not have had any idea of what choosing this word would mean two years later… but there it is and I am thankful.
Last year, going into 2015 was a hectic time for me and I was ready for change. I did not even make a full post about my word but tossed it into a Looking Back/Looking Ahead post that also is difficult to read now. I had so much ambition… I was going to take 2015 by the horns and OWN it. My word, for 2015 was:
The meaning of this word is…
For me, this was my fresh start word… and by April. I thought I hated it.
When life changed for me forever, I looked at this word, which up until that point I wore on a necklace around my neck and thought “NO. This is not what I meant. I will never wear this again.”
I took the word off of me.
In later April, I was given something that has a lot of meaning to me. It needed to go on a chain and as I looked through my choices of necklace chains my eyes stumbled on the chain that held my 2015 word… Emerge. The chain looked to be the right length and style. And quietly I knew…
Even in this. EVEN in this….
I must emerge.
I put the necklace back on. It has new meaning. A harder meaning. Not the energetic “Run with the bulls” attitude I came into 2015 with… but a more humbling one. I emerge. Daily. I rise… again. I put my head up, I wipe away my tears and I do this every day for my son. I emerge.
The necklace has gathered a few things this year. A couple of tags made for me by my friend Barb. The key I found when I was in Arizona, taking the trip over the dates that I would have been on with my son. The cross is from Honduras.
Strength in the face of pain and grief
moral strength to venture, persevere