Morning Meanderings…. In The Quiet

meme

It was with a heavy heart this morning that I read the email of my confirmation of my flight out this morning from the Minneapolis Airport to New York for the Book Expo.  The flight left, but I was not on it.

2015 would have been my 6th year in a row of attending the expo.  I love the people, the pace, the books, the friendships, the general buzz of the publishing world.  Yet  I knew a week ago that as much as I wanted to go and be that person – for this year I am not her.  Thank you to my wonderful roommate Candace (Beth Fish Reads) for being so understanding. I absolutely will miss hanging out with the good friends that I have met in the years of doing this event and I am hopeful that we will all be together in 2016.

Bitter sweet?  You bet.  Yet I know I am making the right decision as hard as it is. For those of you attending, please take lots of great pics and send them my way – I want to feel like I am there even if I am not.

My house…

is quiet.

The dogs are sleeping in random spots around the house and I am at my laptop with my COFFEE and wondering what this day will bring with it.  I woke up in tears but that is not really unusual these days other than the fact that I am amazed that I have the tears to cry every single day.  On the flip side of that, as I look at Justin’s picture… I know he is worth every single tear and many many more.  If I cry for every bit of love I have for him.. then I will cry forever.

Over the weekend Al and I went to our cabin on the North Shore.  It was nice to go but as you can imagine also another hard step as the cabin is filled with so many memories.  I read and I slept.  I had no cell phone coverage in the area so I had nothing else to do but just BE.  I finished the Butternut Lake series which turned out to be just the right level of read for me.  I am now working on William Kent Krueger’s Tamarack County.  With William (Kent) being a Wine and Words author this year I wanted to read more of him.

I hope to put up some reviews this week.  I have quite a few to write and like the little “mind breaks” that talking books creates for me.  In the meantime know that I am still here on the other side of the screen – maybe not at full capacity, but I am here.

About Sheila (Book Journey)

Bookaholic * Audio Book Fan *Bike Rider *Rollerblader *Adventure Seeker *Runner*Coffee lover *Fitness Fan * Movie junkie

Posted on May 26, 2015, in BEA, Meanderings and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 25 Comments.

  1. You will be missed!

  2. Sorry you are unable to make the trip this year, but totally understandable.

  3. Sending you many hugs! I’m going through the same thing, It’s so hard to go anywhere my husband and I went together, and it’s hard to go anywhere new without him. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Al and Brad daily.

  4. Nice to hear from you, Sheila.

    HUGE HUGS to you. I will miss you at the BEA, but I totally understand. I don’t know how you do what you do.

    I pray for you and think of you every day.

    Elizabeth

  5. Good for you, figuring out that this year you needed to not go. Self-care is very important, and that is exactly what you are doing.

  6. Your words always tear at my heart…but they also help me realize that every day is precious…take care!

  7. Sheila, I’m sorry you weren’t able to bring yourself to go to the BEA, but it’s best you do things in your own time. One thing this is showing, in a big way, is the value of books and storytelling. They’re even more precious than we already knew. Big hugs…

  8. We will miss seeing you this year; please know that we will all be thinking of you and your family.

  9. Sorry for you missing the trip, but you need the quiet now to heal as best as can be expected in this situation. My heart aches for you and your family. Thank you for still wanting to share your thoughts and your reviews. I look forward to them. I am a fan of William Kent Kreuger so I want to read Tamarack County too.

  10. I will miss seeing you at BEA this year, but completely understand. I think of you often and continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Sending you hugs and comfort. Xxoo

  11. Healing takes time…sometimes a lot of time. BEA would probably have been too painful. Hoping that you find the strength to come back to yourself.

  12. Taking time to be is definitely the wise thing to do right now. Maybe we’ll see you hanging around armchair BEA? With you in prayer

  13. Yes…With you in prayer. All of your BEA friends understand. Take care of yourself.

  14. I’m glad you’re still reading and trying to review. You have to have something to do and build a new routine.

  15. Good to see you posting again. Your decision makes perfect sense; you need to do what is right for you. Maybe I’ll see you at ArmchairBEA. I’ll be there!

  16. Sounds like you made the right decision, Sheila.
    I enjoyed Ordinary Grace by Krueger.

  17. I can’t even image what you’re going through but I think of you often and wish you the best.

  18. This is where you are right now. The best decision for this season. Thinking of you. One day at a time. One step at a time.

  19. I think you were wise to stay home from BEA, in spite of missing out on all the activities and catching up with friends. In those early weeks of grief, being around people who are having a lot of fun is very difficult. You can’t blame them for laughing and having a good time, but you also can’t help but feel a little bit angry that they get to have fun while your world continues to feel so shattered. You’re fragile and your emotions are right on the surface, which is completely normal. Be gentle with yourself and maybe next year you’ll be ready.

  20. And we are on our sides of the screen still thinking about you. Sounds like BEA would just be too much right now, so right decision to take care of you. Nice to see your reviews popping up. Go gently.

  21. Hug, darling. He knows he is missed and is right by your side in comfort. You do what you gotta do.

  22. I imagine that every morning there is that moment when you remember just as you wake up. I can’t begin to imagine how hard that is. People will tell you it will get easier, and I’m sure it will, but that doesn’t make it easier right now I’m sure. Let yourself heal at your own pace.

  23. You are missed. But I really do understand

  24. One day at a time is a truth that many never really think about until they are bound to live it. Memories will eventually become more precious with every day that passes until eventually you can smile at them, even though those sad tears will always linger on the edge. Take the time you need to heal, the time that you should allow yourself without expectation.

  25. Moment by moment. You can’t rush it. The pain will ease in time, though you will always have moments when you can’t breath – when the pain strikes anew, but with time you will learn to live with this huge hole in your life. Holding you close to my heart and sending healing hugs.

%d bloggers like this: