I did not send out Christmas Cards this year so consider this our Christmas card.
I look outside at the silent whiteness and feel a great emptiness. Loss can be all-consuming and I waiver on the blurry edges of this new world and the one I had. My heart longs to go back and have a do over. I want to change things and put things the way they were but the pieces of this puzzle fall between my fingers as I try to hold tightly to the past that I wish so much was the present and the future.
In this new world I see friendship differently. I see life lines. I see compassion. I see those who have stepped up and those who have stepped back… and I understand both sides. The rose-colored glasses are off and my world is at times painfully real.
I don’t want this to be a sad message. I want it to be one of hope. For whatever reason, my time here on this earth remains. I don’t necessarily want… I would readily trade it – but it seems that is not meant to be.
And with that I look cautiously towards this new uncertain world. I cannot will not let go of what was. It is too much engraved in this beating heart and to take that away – would stop this heart forever. However, I can look at the blessings sprinkled throughout this new world. The connections with Justin’s friends, the courageous people I have met with their own stories of loss, the people and community who have held us a little closer, the ability to see somewhat of a path I hope to travel that will honor my son for all the years I have left until I can be with him again.
This post is not going as I planned.
What I want to say is this.
THIS Christmas, share a little more of you. DO something kind for a stranger. BE a little more open. Hug a little longer, laugh a little louder, and LOVE with all you have.
NEVER NEVER take any moment for granted. Each memory is precious so open your eyes to it and embrace each day for all it is worth. Your memories are treasures and you have the power to build on them. SO build.
The DeChantal’s….. Al, Sheila, Brad, and Justin….. ALWAYS
My attendance at this site has been spotty at best this year. When I think “I am back”, I am not back. I write reviews in my head for hours after I read a book… what I will say, what funny punch line I will give…. but for whatever reason I don’t sit down and review it. I hope that changes soon. I am still here. I still want to be that voice on this page that talks books and life and heartbreak and finding my way… and I hope you will all continue to stop in and see me here in 2016. ♥