Sitting here this morning with COFFEE CUP close by. I have been up for HOURS but that is nothing new. I finished a book this morning, cleaned my kitchen, started laundry, cleaned the deck furniture, cleaned out the fridge. I helped my husband pick up the empty boxes in the garage. I cleaned up all the papers on my kitchen table, the cards I need to still enter into my spreadsheet.
“Be kind to yourself” is the repeated mantra I hear from friends and family. SO often I am told this I have to look around and wonder…
Life does not stop for my grief. I still have commitments and even though I take on a reduced role, I still feel for whatever reason (right or wrong) that I need to function at some level. I helped at this past weekends Children’s Book Sale. I had two meetings for the library and coming up the next two days I am going to try to help out at camp. Each time I do these things it costs me. Each time I hold it together while in a public setting or trying to handle my normal things… once I am alone I lose control.
Life does not stop for my grief.
All I think I can do right now is remind those that I am on committees/boards with is to please understand that I am nowhere near 100%. At times I think I can look like I am but inside my heart is racing like a scared rabbit. Please please please by kind to my heart. Please please please understand I am so broken and can’t handle being pushed. I can get things done. I can function. Just let me move at my own pace for now.
As I type this I wonder why I am saying this here. You probably were looking for some bookish topic and instead you picked up on my head ramblings like a radio that was moved to the wrong station.
I am unbelievably sad. Even when I smile and carry on what appears to be a normal conversation please know that it is taking everything I have to hold it together. Some day soon I will put a message like this on Facebook. Maybe today. I don’t know.
Anyhoo… books. Still listening to Out Of Orange on audio. I finished The Lost Recipe For Happiness this morning and if all goes as planned (plans…. ) I will have a review up today.
Next up I am vacuuming ans shampooing carpets. If the weather holds I will mow my lawn a bit. This afternoon some great gals and EXCELLENT friends are coming over to my home for a little book event on Dorthea Benton Frank’s new book, All The Single Ladies. It’s a small gathering of people who “get me”. I am hopeful to enjoy a couple of hours of relaxing with friends. I am still working on doing small things as I can.
Enjoy your Sunday everyone. One of these days soon I will start posting the Monday What Are You Reading again.