Good morning. I have been up since 5:30 when sleep… left me.
It has now been two and a half days and I swear I am going through the stages of grief.
1. Denial – I keep making deals in my mind that I want him back…. after all there is no way what just happened…. happened.
2. Anger – I have blamed me for not choosing to keep him with us longer…. I blame the vet (poor Steve….. he really is a fantastic guy) for assisting us in making the decision, I blame my husband for not feeling the level of pain that I do.
3. Bargaining – I have decided that if I wake up in the morning and Elmo is back I will not question that… (knowing full well as I type this that is just crazy….) I do want to take it back. I do.
4. Depression – no doubt about it. I am quiet. I am having trouble eating and my heart is mourning.
5. Acceptance…. I feel is around the corner. I know we did the right thing. Deep down, I do know this. However, acceptance does not seem to make it hurt any less.
I apologize for being such a downer these days… believe me – this is not where I want to be either. Somehow though, putting it out here… helps. All I can say now it that this too… will (MUST) pass… and please bear with me as I process my way through.
I am going to the cabin late this afternoon with my cousin’s wife Rhonda, and three other girls I have become friends with through the MS bike rides. This trip was planned out weeks ago and while I struggle with going… I think it will be a good thing to just take a couple of days to breathe in and out like a normal person. 🙂
My reading has suffered this week… I have not been able to concentrate on words on pages and as much as I long to pick up one of the many books waiting patiently for me… my concentration is not there. Thank goodness audio has filled some of that emptiness in my car and throughout my time at home.
ASUS, (laptop) will not be making this trip with me… if I get organized today, I am hoping to set a couple of reviews up for the next couple days. Other than that, please know I will be back in full force and I am excited to actuality have time to visit those of you with blogs and see what is happening in your worlds. 🙂