Morning (Mourning) Meanderings… Stages Of Grief

Good morning.  I have been up since 5:30 when sleep… left me.

It has now been two and a half days and I swear I am going through the stages of grief. 

1.  Denial – I keep making deals in my mind that I want him back…. after all there is no way what just happened…. happened.

2.  Anger – I have blamed me for not choosing to keep him with us longer…. I blame the vet (poor Steve….. he really is a fantastic guy) for assisting us in making the decision, I blame my husband for not feeling the level of pain that I do.

3.  Bargaining – I have decided that if I wake up in the morning and Elmo is back I will not question that… (knowing full well as I type this that is just crazy….) I do want to take it back.  I do.

4.  Depression – no doubt about it.  I am quiet.  I am having trouble eating and my heart is mourning. 

5.  Acceptance…. I feel is around the corner.  I know we did the right thing.  Deep down, I do know this.  However, acceptance does not seem to make it hurt any less.

I apologize for being such a downer these days… believe me – this is not where I want to be either.  Somehow though, putting it out here… helps.  All I can say now it that this too… will (MUST) pass… and please bear with me as I process my way through.

I am going to the cabin late this afternoon with my cousin’s wife Rhonda, and three other girls I have become friends with through the MS bike rides.  This trip was planned out weeks ago and while I struggle with going… I think it will be a good thing to just take a couple of days to breathe in and out like a normal person.  :)

My reading has suffered this week… I have not been able to concentrate on words on pages and as much as I long to pick up one of the many books waiting patiently for me… my concentration is not there.  Thank goodness audio has filled some of that emptiness in my car and throughout my time at home. 

ASUS, (laptop) will not be making this trip with me… if I get organized today, I am hoping to set a couple of reviews up for the next couple days.  Other than that, please know I will be back in full force and I am excited to actuality have time to visit those of you with blogs and see what is happening in your worlds.  :)

About Sheila (Book Journey)

Bookaholic * Audio Book Fan *Bike Rider *Rollerblader *Adventure Seeker *Want To Be Runner*Coffee lover *Fitness Fan * Movie junkie

Posted on October 28, 2011, in Meanderings and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 34 Comments.

  1. I think many of us can relate, Sheila. A trip to the cabin may be just the thing you need right now. Hope you have a good time. (hug)

  2. Aww Sheila..I feel for you. What you are feeling is very normal. I know I have had some of those same feelings when I was in your situation. My mom and sister had the same feelings when they were in that situation too. I know that doesn’t make it any easier. I think a getaway will be good. Maybe a change of scenery and some supportive girl time is what you need.

  3. Sheila…you just have to go with whatever you are feeling…

    I think it is harder when you have to make the choice…as opposed to a beloved pet dying on their own…it causes guilt and angst and all the stuff you are going through…

    We had a beloved cat…Libby…and I did not stay with her and my husband as much as I loved her I was weak…and I will never forgive myself for that…

    You were strong and did what you had to do…

    • Totally harder to choose Patty. I prayed he would go in his sleep so I would not have to make that call…. horrible is the word that plays over and over in my mind.

      I have heard the stories of those who waited too long Patty….. either way…. wow.

  4. You’re right, this too shall pass. You’ll get through this. Hope the cabin respite is good for you this weekend!

  5. Oh Sheila, I understand your pain and frustration and the whole basketful of emotions you’re feeling. It’s so incredibly hard. In fact, it’s devastating to say goodbye to a precious furbaby. Right now you’re raw because a piece of your heart is broken.

    Keep processing and keep leaning on those who love you … I’m one of them. xoxo

  6. I had to put down my little Muffin years ago, a poodle I’d have for close to 15 years. She was so terribly sick, but I could hardly take her to the vet so my dad and sister did it for me. She’d helped me through a painful divorce and had been such a steady friend. The night after I put her down, I swear her sweet spirit jumped onto my bed and curled up at my feet just to let me know I’d done the right thing by letting her go. Her presence reassured me that now she was a happy puppy again, running around and free of pain. I knew this because it had been years since she’d been able to jump up onto my bed. I believe it’s really true that all dogs go to heaven. You did the right thing by Elmo. Be happy for the good times you had together and yes, the pain will pass.

  7. Yes, it is definitely harder when you have to make the decision…you then question yourself and agonize over it. And it will take a lot of time…some days will be better than others.

    It’s good you’re getting away. The distraction and the support of friends is what you need right now.

    Hang in there!

  8. Oh, Sheila, my sweet…it IS so much harder when you’ve made the decision, but you did the absolutely right thing. My heart aches for you. Just hang on to the good memories and give it time.

  9. Please don’t apologize! Grief is grief no matter the loss. It will be helpful to you to talk about it, there are many of us who are willing to listen. I understand your feelings Shelia.

  10. I’m sending you hugs from Kansas. Grief is never easy, regardless of the source.

  11. Of course you’re grieving. Elmo was a member of your family.

  12. You take all the time you need. It’s hard to get anything done with a sad heart.

  13. Sheila, what you did was one of the hardest decisions you have to make in life. You were selfless in your decision-as you wanted Elmo to be in a better place. These are always difficult decisions and I do not think it makes a difference how we lose our pets. The grief is overwhelming they are our babies.

    I know it is a cliche-time makes it easier-you do not forgot them, you reach a point one day when you can remember them and smile instead of crying.

  14. Oh sweetie, I feel for you. My kitty is about 13 and seemingly healthy…but I already find myself preparing for the inevitable. Please give yourself a big hug and know that you are not alone. You are in our thoughts/prayers.

    Elmo knew how much you loved him, without a doubt!

    Hugs
    Shannon

  15. My heart aches for you Sheila! I know this must be one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to go through and I just wish I could comfort you in some way. I pray you have peace of mind in knowing that you did the right thing. Elmo would only have gotten worse and his pain would have increased. You saved him from that.

  16. Aww, hang in there! It’s so hard to lose a pet. My parents just had to put down the dog that I grew up with. It was so hard.

  17. I am so sorry, Sheila, for what you had to go through. I’ve never had a pet, but I love dogs so much that I can relate to your pain. Hang in there, I’m thinking of you!

  18. Sheila the last thing you need to do is apologise although I find myself doing the same thing on my own blog when I’ve been sharing all my health dramas.

    But seriously isn’t that why we blog, to reach out and share with friends who’ve become part of our lives, friends who understand, support us in our struggles and triumphs, in the wonderful memories and the sad times. I find that putting it out there helps too!

    There isn’t any way around it, you just have to go through this process. Be kind to yourself and know that friends are thinking of you with love and kindness as you grieve for Elmo
    Hugs Sheree

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